I don't have any proper long-form post going over all the extras of why we are who we are, intentionally, but I believe it's time to change that

To keep a long story short, I'm a CSA victim
but the trauma this caused us is very different from the trauma it would cause a teen
basically when we were 5, we were molested by our babysitter's son
This happened at a time when I really didn't have the required context mentally to understand what had occurred

to keep it short, this would destroy my family, leave endless issues in its wake, and still my our mother blames it for us being queer and trans

but as time would pass, I (Mia) would consistently feel stuck. Our memory is a feeble thing; we forget most things very easily
but such an event leaves permanent scars in the memories you can never forget

but that isn't our only source of trauma

When we were only a few months old, we were diagnosed with asthma, but this isn't your typical asthma that one grows out of
I still struggle with it to this day, likely always will

To keep it short, I have had to be placed in multiple medically induced comatose states
one around the age of six
another around nine
And we had both our lungs collapse at 12, but a medically induced coma was too risky after the previous ones

To say the least, these 2 events would have long-lasting implications on how I perceive reality, who we are, and how identity/personality function for us

Comas, contrary to popular belief, are not like sleeping in any way. It is a state below that of sleep, where the brain is largely inactive

At first, it's like waking up after a long nap
But it quickly takes effect on the state of your mind
each of these comas would leave its own memory-based scars as individual, unusual hallucinations that we've always struggled to describe

Largely, we attribute our first coma to when *another* switched in
and we attribute the second one to switching back
until our early teen years, when Mia truly formed

In reflection on our self as Mia, we feel perpetually stuck in a state between 5 and 6 yo, although we feel like there has been some growth we don't feel it's past that of 7, which is why I consider myself transage and various other things, involuntarily regression alike

while our other half, @Cate, is formed directly of the outer shell and identity we grew to protect ourselves

I would find myself always wanting to shed that mask for short times, and that would eventually give space for our plurality to run rampant

But those original members were shallow and @Cate would not develop into who she is now until after several ego deaths

Largely, they are why we are so secure and happy with who we are now, as a system